Do you know what's weird about life? We spend so much time planning for it, but at least in my experience, it almost never goes as planned.
For most of my life, I've been one of those people who likes to have every last detail planned out and then when life intervenes and nothing shakes out according to plan, I freak out. I got a little wild with moving to Germany and that actually worked for me and now I've suddenly realized that the one time in my life when I really let go of my desire to plan, life kind of fell together in a way that totally worked. It was difficult and it wasn't perfect, but it worked and I got to see a huge slice of the world.
Granted, I knew that it wasn't going to be a place that I'd settle down and stay forever and it all kind of unraveled when my car broke down and I needed to get surgery on another continent, but all good things must come to an end, right?
Anyway, when I got back to the states, I switched back into plan mode. I was living at home, working an old job in a former school district and I wanted to get out. Enter Las Vegas. I tried to plan out this huge transition from living in the Midwest to living in the West, from living with parents to living on my own, from being an aide to being a teacher, from working part-time to working full-time: the whole adult package.
... and it's not going well.
Yes, I have a roof over my head. I'm not worried about where my next meal is going to come from. I live very conservatively (thanks to the eco-warrior/super cheap side of me), but if I get cold I can turn the heat on/up and not have to worry about not getting the bill paid. And yet, it's still not working. I've been sick for months. I have no energy. My bad knee and back feel like they're on fire a lot of the time.
I can't tell if it's because it's my geographic location, my job, the tough time I've had meeting actual people to spend time with (aside from SB) or what, but things just aren't jelling.
Have any of you ever experience this feeling? You have everything you could possibly need and more, but the feelings of safety and happiness are eluding you?
It looks like I may be back at the drawing board and searching for a new adventure. Or heck, I could pull another "Germany" and quit my job, sell most of my stuff and hit the road without a plan... Until then, just keep swimming...